DYING WITH DIGNITY

Dr. Harvey Chochinov, a Winnipeg psychiatrist, pioneered " dignity therapy" as a way of caring for the dying.A leader in palliative care, Chochinov, developed an intervention called "dignity thetapy" In a 30 to 60 minute session patient answer open ended questions, getting a critical opportunity to talk about their lives or what matters most to them. The transcript is than given to their loved ones to keep. What follows is my personal transcripe that I have given to my children in the hope that they will better understand me. Question 1 So tell me about your life history,particularly the parts that you think our the most important? If I have done anything well in my life it's being a father. I am very proud of my 3 sons,and my 6 grandchildren My sons our fabulous fathers to their children,each in ther own way. I am also close to my grandchildern. About 10 years ago when my oldest grandson was 12 years old I was driving around Vancouver with only him in the car.My grandchildren call me Zaidi.I'm in my car and I say to my grandson, Jackson, you know you can tell Zaidi anything you wanna to tell me and I will not tell your parents.He proceeded to talk to me for 2 hours straight.Jason, my oldest is a counsellor like me. He has a lot of the same charectistics that I have. He is warm,empathic,and caring.I would call him a wise old soul.My middle son, Greg, was a golf professional.At present he works as a golf superintendent.Greg,is devoted to his 10 years old daughter. and has been her primary caretaker.Greg is passionate about life,caring and considerate of others and has a strong morale compass. My youngest son,DAniel,has an MBA, who tends to keep his emotions in check.He is a man of actions.So when it was time to clean out my suite Daniel was the man who took action. My wish for him is to broaden his horizons and see more of the world.. I'm 79 years old,I'll be 80 on Deember 5.I have a friend of mine, we talk about hitting 80, living 4 score years.Anything over 80 is consider1ed overtime.One of my goals has just been reached,namely today is June5/2025 and now I'm officially in my 80th year.I realize that I am on borrowed time.I try to live one day at a time.easy to say but hard to do. My eldest son, who had a bypass in his early 40's, has learned to live one day at a time.Recently there was a festival in Vancouver where a driver drove into the crowd killing 11 people.My son, was there, 10 minutes before this happened.He knows how valuable is life I respect him for learning to live one day at a time.Regarding my legacy, it is important to learn and to grow everyday.It is important to be open to life experiences.to ideas,and not be judgemental I tell everybody that my mom told me that I have 2 ears and 1 mouth.If you listen twice as much as you talk you will learn a great deal about life.The reason I wanted to complete this legacy project is to give a gift to my children and grandchildren. Question 2 Are there specific things that you want your family to know about you? If you want a good life,you need to get to know yourself.You need to know what important to you,what your values are, and live life according to your values.I got into trouble in my life when I broke my own values.My affair when I was in mid 40'; fundamentally broke my own value system. It took me years for me to forgive myself and it cause a lot of pain to my famiy.I have severe regrets about it. Question 3 What are the most important roles you have played in your life? Why are they so important to you and what do you think you accompLished in these roles. Being a father, son, brother and grandfather are important roles that I highly valued. Being a psychologist and having a rewarding career was also important to me. I think the best advice I can give to my children and grandchildren is do what you love in life and you will never work a day in your life.I have blessed to able to work 52 years as a psychologist. I consider that a great accomplishment.In addition I am proud of lobbying for over 3 years to get a psychologist on the Cardiac Heart Institution.I consider that one of greatest accomplishments.Is there any moment that you look back as a parent that your proud of. After going through a difficult divorce I made it my intention to do what was best for the children, including buying a house close to their mother so that the children could continue to go to the same school. I'm proud of myself, it was the right thing to do, a selfless act on my part that I feel good about . Question 4 Are there things that your loved ones would want to know about you? I think this document will go a long way in that regard.I am very open to my children,I feel I did my best with them.I made mistakes in my life but I learned from them. Question 5 What are your hopes and dreams for your loved one. Love,laughter,adventure to enjoy life and live in the moment. I wrote a book several years ago called "Life Lessons".One of the lessons in the book is we all live in a box.What differentiate one individual from another is the size of the box we live in, the larger the box the more experiences and opportunities you will have.It sounds like your kids are very different in personality.Daniel, my youngest son, tends to be a homebody.I wish he would explore more of the world, but that not my call. My secondest son, Greg, has gone through a rough separation, I wish for him to be in a meaningful relationship.My eldest son Jason, is a free spirit, and lives life to his own beat. Question 6 Are there any words that you would like to offer your family to help them prepare for the future? To live a good life you need to have balance between meeting your needs and being available to others. It is your values that will determine your sense of self.True happiness is being able to find your values and living by them.One of the things one can do is to filter out information that does not meet with your values.Your values will determine who you are and your sense of self. Love David Be kind to each other Mind the golden rule Treat others as you would like to be treated

MY STROKE

Approximately at 8am on Saturday May17/2025 I suffered a severe stroke that completely incapassiated me.The Doctor was so concerned for my survival that she called my son,Daniel in Victoria, as well as to call my Rabbi to meet my spiritual needs. Daniel, was woken at 5am and told the situation was dire. He immediately came to Ottawa to be with me. Although I was semi-conscious during the stroke I vaguely remember some events. Namely, the attending physician, asked me if I wanted to go to the Ottawa Hospital to receive treatment. I recall that I refused treatment. In conversation with one of my nurses who was on duty during my stroke, he noticed I had facial paralysis on my right side of my face, with the right side of my body being prone.The nurses had to turn me ever 2 hours. I couldn't speak, or raise my hands or legs. Sunday morning when Daniel arrived at the hospital he placed a sheet of paper before me with :Yes" and "No" written on it.He wanted me to point to the correct answer which I was able to do.Several family members phoned that day but I was unable to respond verbally. Monday. I gradually begin to recouver. I was able to lift my arms and legs and had a rudimentary form of speach. At this stage, some 4 weeks latter, I still have some residual effects of my stroke. My speech is moderately impaired, my upper body strenght is noticeable weaker and I easily tire. The Doctors has indicated that the stroke was on the right side of the brain. They marvel at my recouver.They have told me that they have neither seen anybody recouver to my extent without receiving treatment. . I am thankful for my recouver and for the medical care I have received on 5South St. Vincent Hospital. G-d bless the health care workers on 5South. David

5 SOUTH PALLIATIVE CARE ST.VINCENT HOSPITAL

I have now resided for over 3 months on 5South Ward, St. Vincent Hospital.On February 13/2025 I was taken by ambulance to the Ottawa Hospital Emergency Department.After a Cat scan was administrated I was told by the Doctor that the colon was completely blocked.Further consultation with the surgeon indicated surgery would be an e3xtremely risky with danger it would rupture  the bowel line..I was given 2 weeks to live. 

 It was decided that the most appropriate placement was in the palliative care unit at the 32 bed unit at th St. Vincent Hospital.This decision was taken, after consulting with the palliative team.The decision was made to enable me to get the best possible medical care  

After waiting 2 weeks for a bed I was admitted to 5 South Ward on March1/2025.As a palliative care patient  the mandate was too kept me comfortable until my demise. 

During my stay at St. Vincent I have had 3 blockages and a severe stroke.Miracolous ,due to the medical care I have received I have managed to survive. The care, compassion,of all the staff, orderlies.health care aids,nurses and physician has been exempty. I am truly thankful for their services and feel blessed to be here.Above all I feel safe in their care.

 The staff is highly professional, offering services in a very calm and control manner. 

To give you some examples of the care and compassion the staff demonstrates on a daily basis I refer to one on the palliative Doctors who are available on a daily basis.Ater consulting about my medical needs the Doctor asked if I wanted something and proceeded to get me an ice cream.When I suffered my stroke the Doctor immediately spoke to my family to indicate the series on the stroke and in addition spoke directly to my Rabbi that I needed spiritual help.I literally owe my life to the care I am receiving here.

 Another example that just occured today.I was in the hall getting ready to wheel myself downstairs when one of the nurses stopped me to adjust my tubing so i wouldn't be exposed.A simple act of kindness that demonstrates the compassion and care the staff bring to each and any ever patient on 5 South Palliative Ward.

 I am in the end stage of my life, trying to say goodbye to my family and friends.I feel blessed to be in a safe and secure environment. 

Love David

 Be kind to each other

CLOSE TO THE END OF MY JOURNEY

 The bomb, within my body, has just exploded. For the past week my bowel has been completely blocked.Immediate medical attention was required. A call to the paramedics and I was almost immediately taken to the Ottawa hospital. After waiting in the hallway for about half a hour I was taken to an observation room in Emergency. 

Upon  examination the Dr. ordered a CAT scan of my abdomen as he was concerned I had a blocked bowel.As expected the Cat Scan confirmed ,

my worst fears. My cancer had spread  to my abdomen where indeed  my bowel was massively blocked.This was a life alternating event which would shorten  my life expectancy,If the blockage did not clear I had less than 2 weeks to live, 

 Discussion with the surgical resident indicated surgery to put a stent in the bowel, was high risk and not recommended. The plan was to involve palliative care to keep me comfortable.In addition, the social worker would apply for hospice care outside of the hospital.I was simply to sick to go back to my senior residence. 

The next day,suddenly my bowel begin slowly to work. My appetite returned and I was able to eat and digest normally.This was a shock to me however the surgeon pointed  out that it would have no effect on my life expectancy.

 At this stage I know I have a significantly lower life expectantly.The journey is not over,but I am close to the end of the life I have known.

 Thank you all for your support,love and prayers.

 Shalom 

G-d bless

 Love David

WAITING

 I find myself with stage 4 colon-rectal cancer waiting for the bomb to go off. I have no idea, when or where my untreated cancer will go.At this time my cancer has not hit a major organ. I realize that could happen at any time.Truth be told I am living on bored time.

 Currently I am battling an abdominal flu which has incapacitated me.. For now I have restricted myself to my room so as not to infect other vulnerable residents.Isolation has allowed me to reflect on my situation.I have resided for 8 months at this senior residence and for the most part it has gone well.I realize I need to be here for the care and support I am receiving.

 My restricted mobility,fatique associated with my cancer have all served to limit my energy. The only times I go out is to medical and dental appointments. Socially I have a few dedicated visitors but for the most part I receive very few invitations from my previous social contacts.

 I have tried to meet new people here and to attempt various  new activities. At this stage I hope to blog regularly,try drawing.to attend lectures and play the odd game of bridge. 

Financially I have budgeted well and for the most part I have not had to go into capital to reside here.

 My goal is to try to reach my 80th birthday.

My faith,compassion and empathy remain at the highest level.

 Thank you all for your support and prayers. 

David