DYING WITH DIGNITY

Dr. Harvey Chochinov, a Winnipeg psychiatrist, pioneered " dignity therapy" as a way of caring for the dying.A leader in palliative care, Chochinov, developed an intervention called "dignity thetapy" In a 30 to 60 minute session patient answer open ended questions, getting a critical opportunity to talk about their lives or what matters most to them. The transcript is than given to their loved ones to keep. What follows is my personal transcripe that I have given to my children in the hope that they will better understand me. Question 1 So tell me about your life history,particularly the parts that you think our the most important? If I have done anything well in my life it's being a father. I am very proud of my 3 sons,and my 6 grandchildren My sons our fabulous fathers to their children,each in ther own way. I am also close to my grandchildern. About 10 years ago when my oldest grandson was 12 years old I was driving around Vancouver with only him in the car.My grandchildren call me Zaidi.I'm in my car and I say to my grandson, Jackson, you know you can tell Zaidi anything you wanna to tell me and I will not tell your parents.He proceeded to talk to me for 2 hours straight.Jason, my oldest is a counsellor like me. He has a lot of the same charectistics that I have. He is warm,empathic,and caring.I would call him a wise old soul.My middle son, Greg, was a golf professional.At present he works as a golf superintendent.Greg,is devoted to his 10 years old daughter. and has been her primary caretaker.Greg is passionate about life,caring and considerate of others and has a strong morale compass. My youngest son,DAniel,has an MBA, who tends to keep his emotions in check.He is a man of actions.So when it was time to clean out my suite Daniel was the man who took action. My wish for him is to broaden his horizons and see more of the world.. I'm 79 years old,I'll be 80 on Deember 5.I have a friend of mine, we talk about hitting 80, living 4 score years.Anything over 80 is consider1ed overtime.One of my goals has just been reached,namely today is June5/2025 and now I'm officially in my 80th year.I realize that I am on borrowed time.I try to live one day at a time.easy to say but hard to do. My eldest son, who had a bypass in his early 40's, has learned to live one day at a time.Recently there was a festival in Vancouver where a driver drove into the crowd killing 11 people.My son, was there, 10 minutes before this happened.He knows how valuable is life I respect him for learning to live one day at a time.Regarding my legacy, it is important to learn and to grow everyday.It is important to be open to life experiences.to ideas,and not be judgemental I tell everybody that my mom told me that I have 2 ears and 1 mouth.If you listen twice as much as you talk you will learn a great deal about life.The reason I wanted to complete this legacy project is to give a gift to my children and grandchildren. Question 2 Are there specific things that you want your family to know about you? If you want a good life,you need to get to know yourself.You need to know what important to you,what your values are, and live life according to your values.I got into trouble in my life when I broke my own values.My affair when I was in mid 40'; fundamentally broke my own value system. It took me years for me to forgive myself and it cause a lot of pain to my famiy.I have severe regrets about it. Question 3 What are the most important roles you have played in your life? Why are they so important to you and what do you think you accompLished in these roles. Being a father, son, brother and grandfather are important roles that I highly valued. Being a psychologist and having a rewarding career was also important to me. I think the best advice I can give to my children and grandchildren is do what you love in life and you will never work a day in your life.I have blessed to able to work 52 years as a psychologist. I consider that a great accomplishment.In addition I am proud of lobbying for over 3 years to get a psychologist on the Cardiac Heart Institution.I consider that one of greatest accomplishments.Is there any moment that you look back as a parent that your proud of. After going through a difficult divorce I made it my intention to do what was best for the children, including buying a house close to their mother so that the children could continue to go to the same school. I'm proud of myself, it was the right thing to do, a selfless act on my part that I feel good about . Question 4 Are there things that your loved ones would want to know about you? I think this document will go a long way in that regard.I am very open to my children,I feel I did my best with them.I made mistakes in my life but I learned from them. Question 5 What are your hopes and dreams for your loved one. Love,laughter,adventure to enjoy life and live in the moment. I wrote a book several years ago called "Life Lessons".One of the lessons in the book is we all live in a box.What differentiate one individual from another is the size of the box we live in, the larger the box the more experiences and opportunities you will have.It sounds like your kids are very different in personality.Daniel, my youngest son, tends to be a homebody.I wish he would explore more of the world, but that not my call. My secondest son, Greg, has gone through a rough separation, I wish for him to be in a meaningful relationship.My eldest son Jason, is a free spirit, and lives life to his own beat. Question 6 Are there any words that you would like to offer your family to help them prepare for the future? To live a good life you need to have balance between meeting your needs and being available to others. It is your values that will determine your sense of self.True happiness is being able to find your values and living by them.One of the things one can do is to filter out information that does not meet with your values.Your values will determine who you are and your sense of self. Love David Be kind to each other Mind the golden rule Treat others as you would like to be treated