WAITING

 I find myself with stage 4 colon-rectal cancer waiting for the bomb to go off. I have no idea, when or where my untreated cancer will go.At this time my cancer has not hit a major organ. I realize that could happen at any time.Truth be told I am living on bored time.

 Currently I am battling an abdominal flu which has incapacitated me.. For now I have restricted myself to my room so as not to infect other vulnerable residents.Isolation has allowed me to reflect on my situation.I have resided for 8 months at this senior residence and for the most part it has gone well.I realize I need to be here for the care and support I am receiving.

 My restricted mobility,fatique associated with my cancer have all served to limit my energy. The only times I go out is to medical and dental appointments. Socially I have a few dedicated visitors but for the most part I receive very few invitations from my previous social contacts.

 I have tried to meet new people here and to attempt various  new activities. At this stage I hope to blog regularly,try drawing.to attend lectures and play the odd game of bridge. 

Financially I have budgeted well and for the most part I have not had to go into capital to reside here.

 My goal is to try to reach my 80th birthday.

My faith,compassion and empathy remain at the highest level.

 Thank you all for your support and prayers. 

David

MY 79th BIRTHDAY

:Praised are you Lord our G-d, king of the universe for granting us life, for sustaining us and helping us to reach this day." 

I didn't expect to reach this day.Having Stage 4 cancer, untreated for a year, it is very hard to predict the consequences.For the most part I'm doing well coping with fatiquie, 

As stated previously I have intergrated well into my new senior residence. 

Tonight I will have a quiet family dinner to celebrate my birthday.

 What lessons I have learned to pass on to the next generation? 

What remains to be done before my departure? 

The primary lesson is simply The Golden Rule. 

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

 That is, treat people with respect,dignity,and listen and don't judge.I believe we are put on earth to make it a better place. Each act of kindness and compassion is a blessing 

What's left to do?I have put my affairs in order and hope to spend time with family and friends.I realize my physical world has shrunk considerably but hopefully my compassionate and spiritual world is expanding.

 G-d bless and thank you for all your support and prayers.

 David

 

FYI

 FYI my sympatico Email  address is no longer active. If you would like to reach me please contact me at my new Email  address   dmnozick@gmail.com  

Thank you for your support during this difficult period of my life. 

David

RETIREMENT LIVING

 Psychologically what does retirement mean. A great deal depends upon your health, and what resources you have. Health issues, and financial constraints may severely limit your options. In my case, health issues dominant.  

 Psychologically one of the biggest challenges is to be able to give up control. Depending upon               caregivers means abiding by their schedule. For example, my nurses come daily according to their schedule, not mine. Similarly I eat at designated times set by the residence.

Not being able to drive means depending on others or commercial options such as a taxicab or uber.

My limited mobility. deteriorating health and lower energy represents to me a further loss of control.

 Psychologically I know I am in the last stages of my life .Feeling this ever day, ever moment becomes especially precious. 

Currently I reside in a luxury retirement home which has all the amenities including excellent cuisine, first class programing, and sophisticated and a  well educated clientele.            

As my new permanent home it has been quite an adjustment for me.Despite being luxurious it is very much institualized. Meals are served at a set hour,seniors seat at their usual tables with their chosen seatmates. 

Given these circumstances, my attempt to integrate was no easy task.I have attempted to do so by maintaining an open non judgemental attitude, friendly to all. For the most part this has allowed me to integrate successfully.Although I partake in a limited number of activities, namely bridge and painting lessons I have the opportunity to attend many more.

Although I have integrated well, I need to be cognizant that I am living in a for profit business and that little expenses add up.eg. laundry, parking and the communication plan.

I have established an operational budget and for the most part it is working. I am well aware  should my health deteriorate further I will incur further expenses.

Retirement living has it's pros and cons. Security, safety and health issues,represent positive feature of retirement homes. I find access to my call bell brings a sense of security and well being.An important aspect of retirements homes is the opportunity to socialize, to meet new people, all of whom have extensive life experiences.

Presently I remain content with my retirement living arrangements although I must admit that visits from family and friends adds a much needed dimension.  Thank you all for your support and love as I navigate this new stage of my life,

 David